Saturday, July 27, 2013

Anticipation

Babies love floating as much as I do
I leave in a week.  In a week, I leave. Anticipation: it's the weight of dread and the levity of excitement.  I'm floating in a pool of anticipation, the forces of trepidation pulling me under while the forces of enthusiasm balloon me ever upward.

It feels like I'm forgetting something, like how I feel before I leave on a big trip and I know I have everything I need (passport, wallet, plane ticket), but I keep worrying - do I have the things I "need" (phone, travel guide, outlet adapter)?  

So here I am, on the precipice of a two-year adventure.  I know I have my passport (student registration), wallet (deposit submitted), and plane ticket (loan signed, sealed, delivered). But it feels like I need to be preparing more.

Should I be scouring BusinessWeek and Forbes Magazine for clues to decipher the intricate and opaque world of business?  Should I be memorizing words in my next foreign language, business-ese, like derivatives, synergy, and systematize?  Or should I be pillaging my mind for forgotten stories to share with all these new people over the next few weeks?

If you couldn't tell, sometimes I overthink things.

I think (there's that thinking thing again...) I'm having trouble remember that it's still possible to get things done while in school.  Somehow, I've got it figured that B-school is like being stranded on a deserted island. Obviously this isn't true, but I am still working myself up believing that I need to accomplish everything before I set out.

Examples:
1) Create a budget with the bf (as if I even know how much stuff even costs in New Haven or what I'll be spending money on)
2) Hang out with friends before leaving (as if it's the "last time")
3) Refine my time management system to reflect the demands of b-school (as though I truly even know what those demands are)

So it goes with the overeager mind. 

I know a lot of it just comes from feeling unsettled.  It's weird being unemployed and homeless. In a few more days I'll have all but forgotten what I was even worried about.

9 comments:

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